


Self-Inflicted Achromatic

by Wings_of_Light



Series: Troubled Countries [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Songfic, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-01 13:04:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10922376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wings_of_Light/pseuds/Wings_of_Light
Summary: All his Life Romano loved Spain even if he could never say it he left tiny hints but, the happy-go-lucky Spainard seems to not notice and keeps dotting on Italy whom he sees as perfect and Romano sometimes wishes he never existed.Will Spain notice the one that loved him was by his side all this time or will it be to late?





	1. Chapter 1

_I wanna be like you, I wanna say that I can  
I wanna be the person that you think that I am_

Romano always thought ever since he was young that Spain or as he wanted to be called 'Boss' was annoying and far to happy-go-lucky for someone that once terrorized the high sea's and came back with many treasures and stories but, time was cruel and the once mighty Spainard became more lax and care-free and that didn't fit well with the growing Italian but, in the transition from feared spainard to relaxed tomato framer Romano noticed how he grew to like even maybe -- love? -- No he couldn't have fallen for his 'boss' it would never happen because like everyone else he loved the younger of the two Italy. 

_But, even if I had it all come true like a dream. Is the person I came to be the really real me?_

It was always the same dispite being the older one everyone including my grandfather loved Italy and I never understood why. Was it because of his happy-go-lucky outlook? was it the fact he never belittled or looked down on others like I did? Romano could never figure it out but, what I did know is always after Italy was gone I would get or in my mind I would get what was left of the Spainard's affection causing me to lash out and run away leaving Spain in utter confusion. Of course Romano was never the one to be forward with his feelings as he was scared of rejection thus kepted everything inside but, Netherlands and Belgium knew better as Belgium tried to get her older brother to go out with Romano which always ended well but, Romano's gaze kepted searching for Spain only to see him with Italy more and more and he could feel his heart breaking. 

However everything came crashing down when Spain said, he asked Italy on a date causing Romano to break-down causing Spain to wonder what was wrong with his 'Roma' as he called me but, it was just a nickname nothing special to it -- I thought that to myself as tears fell down my face wanting to say that I loved him but, the words never came only to turn away choking back more tears and wished him happiness only to run away his calls growing fainter and fainter as I just kepted running not caring where I ended up anywhere but, there with Netherlands, Belgium and .....I stopped at the edge of the grand sea finding that I was on the docks that once harbored ships as this would a perfect place to disappear. 

_Hundreds cry, All I do is ruin everything, Nobody wanted me, no-one there to need. If only I could live, in the kinda world I dreamed_

Staring down at the dark waters the inky pool reflecting my sad image as my gaze went upwards to the sky and closed my eye's as tears slid down my face only to step forward and fell into the water not hearing the scearm and the sound of running feet as I didn't fight the water and sunk deeper into the depths as it was scary to die feeling the water feeling my lungs but, in my mind I was doing what right and Italy would inheirt everything as my vision grew black only to see someone swimming after me but, i never got to see who it was as everything went black and I was lost. 

_Hundred lives, never knowing me or anything Nobody wanted me, no-one there to need, Why would I wanna live in the kinda world I see?_

I felt like I was drifting in nothing was I fading away and merging with my brother? Did I finally get to have time with grandfather? Romano didn't know as heavy eyelids slowly opened to the blackness around him it was tight and lonely as I could hear voices slowly coming into focus. I could hear sceaming, crying even begging? My hand was being held as something made my body jolt, I could hear someone saying 'Clear' then another jolt and a weight on my stomach as I finally saw it a door of light was I going to heaven? Well I would have to find out and I walked into the light meeting Grandpa Rome whom was sad by what I had done saying he loved both of us (me and italy) equally and never wanted me to commit suicide as he showed me my lifeless body being worked on, Belgium crying into her brother's chest and even Spain begging me to open my eye's again as I never knew I had always thought he chose my younger brother over me. 

Looking to my grandfather I apologized and that I had to go back and he understood giving me a big hug saying he was proud causing tears to flood my eye's as he let me go and I felt myself falling towards the earth like a speeding bullet only to moments later cough up the water in my lungs as gasps came from everyone present as my eye's fluttered open images swarming my vision grateful smiles as a warm hand folded my hair back my gaze moving towards the Spainard the object of my affection and the reason I came back as I leaned up and gave a kiss no longer afraid leaving a shocked expression on the Spainard's face as I was taken to the hospital to rest and recover. 

The next day the sun shone through the window of my hospital room as my green eye's opened only to have a crying and blubbering Italy jump in my arms apologizing over and over as even though sometimes Italy could be a clueless idiota but, he was my brother, my loving, cowardly little brother andI would never trade him for anything as I got alot of vistors through-out the day getting flowers and get-well cards even people to talk to as night was approching and visting hours were up but, a knock came to my door and in walked the Spainard with a large assortment of flowers and by the look on his face he had been crying all day as he approached my bed placing the flowers in my arms sitting down. We talked for hours laughing some and he loved the pouts as he asked me finally why I tried to kill myself and I told him everything as his expression got sad only to lean over placing a hand on the side of my face saying he adored Italy but, there was only one 'Roma' as he leaned in to press his lips to mine to get the point across and I finally understood. 

_Somebody here to scearm, Somebody is stopping me... But in the end Somebody wanted me._


	2. Lost One's Weeping

**Feel it cutting into me, the doubting painful knife  
Feel it deepening the rift, finally hit just right  
Couldn’t take the love I had, so weak and burning low  
But it grew into a weapon only hurting me, this I know**

_"I'm used to being alone. Please don't cry for me Mathias. Nor your the best big brother I could've asked for. Please be strong Mathias is gonna need you now that I'm gone. Tino...Thank you for trying to talk to me and be my friend when I needed one but, I can;t handle this pain anymore and Sve please never change and never morn me. I leave everything to Sealand. Make sure his ready to become a country I think he deserved it"_

My hand shook making the words wobbly as tear stains marred the page as I had many ways to take myself outta existance from a gunshot to stabbing myself in the heart as I'd had already set Mr. Puffin free much that hurt me cause he was my familar for so long and parting was a knife through the chest but, I was tired of being hurt I thought I found happiness but, it was a lie ALL OF IT A BLOODY LIE! I knew this was the cowards way out and the gods would not allow me to enter valhalla but, I was not about to stay here and be hurt again. 

After writting my long letter I stood and walked over to the table and placed it down knowing my brothers and loved one was here in celebration of my 20th birthday coming of age in my country but, I didn't feel like celebrating I was never the one to celebrate anyways as my violet gaze looked to the rope hanging and ready as I decided to take in the view of my island before I would forget it and everyone I knew only to stand at the edge of one of my cliffs noting the moon low in the sky it was june 17th my birthday and they would be coming early everyone... Nor...Sve...Tino and... I paused and closed my eye's tears trailing down my face. 'Forgive me Mathias...hate me for this but, I'm hurting to much' I thought then turned back to my house. 

With the sun coming up I stood up on the chair and slipped the rope around my neck of course I heard the sound of a speeding car as Nor must have known we have that type of bond as I kicked the chair out and hung swaying by the rope my feet twiching as the life in my eye's started to leave but, I heard the door slamming open and the last thing I saw the horrified face of my dear brother and knew nothing more. 

**A blank sheet Accomplished Content with This life I will now live ‘Til I think why are we just sometimes no always Saying how we’re sad and Saying how we’re lonely?**

"Em--- Emi--- Emil!" Called a frantic voice as my violet eye's reopened I was on oxygen as I saw the faces of Nor and Mathias bent over mine as I was resting on the ground of my house the rope still around my neck cut of course by Mathias' axe as he had it out as Nor breathed out he had been crying -- Nor cried for me? I never seen that before and it made me feel so bad to be the one to cause it. Getting a hard hug from them both as Tino came over with the note I wrote and I explained everything getting sad and slightly disappointed looks as Nor wrapped his arms around me saying over and over I wasn't alone and was loved dearly. 

Mathias Tino and Sve soon joined in the hug with me at the centre as the sun shone into the window of my home like if the gods and our father were smiling down proud at the bond each one of us shared blood or no I needed to remember that as I wasn't the only one weeping or alone in the world as I once thought... Not anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Iceland's Turn!
> 
> Song Choice is 'Lost One's Weeping'

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song of the same name 'Self-Inflicted Achromatic'.
> 
>  [More Stories to Come!]


End file.
